Chapter 05

We spent the next several days feeling in much better spirits. We were a bit “lighter” if that makes sense. We knew we had a long road ahead of us, especially if Allison was special needs. We spent a lot of time talking about how, with the birth of this baby, our lives were going to change forever, and we just didnt know how. When we were waiting for our first appointment with the specialist, that 4 days just dragged on, with our misery seeming to move in slow motion, letting us feel every pain as it came. The 6 days it took to get the Maternit21 tests seemed to fly. We took our daughter Olivia to our town’s homecoming parade, and watched her run all over collecting about 10 pounds of candy and throwing each piece into her bag. I found myself with tears in my eyes, hoping for the first time not that my child would live at all, but praying that she would be able to live fully, like her sister. I really thought that with the results we had from our ultrasound that this was going to be alright. October 1st started off like any normal day. I woke up, the little girls I babysit were at my house and they were all playing. My phone rang, and it was Dr Statens office. I answered it, and it was Dr S. on the line, not her receptionist. She sounded very different. This is a person I have talked to many times, and I knew she didnt have anything good to tell me. I will never forget it, “Allison tested positive for Trisomy 13”. I had to ask her to repeat herself. She didnt really say Trisomy 13 did she? She went on to tell me how sorry she was and to explain that this would likely not end in the outcome that we wanted so badly. She still never mentioned termination, knowing that I had made it extremely clear that it would not be an option, and I appreciated that. We made an appointment to come in and talk about it. Then I had to call my husband. I had to deliver the death sentence of our child to him and had no idea what to say. I was in a room with 3 children and was holding myself together while needing to burst at the seams. Before I called him, I called my mom. I just told her I needed her here, immediately, to care for Olivia and the girls because I had gotten very bad news about Allison. She was here within minutes and I had to step outside. I burst into tears. I couldnt collect myself. I had to call Dustin and I didnt want to tell him this news. I found it in myself to dial the phone, and when he answered, I burst again. I couldnt even speak. I ended up getting the words Trisomy 13 out, and he said he would be home. I dont really remember the next several days. There were a lot of tears. A lot of getting sick. A lot of good friends who were extremely concerned trying to contact me and I couldnt even speak and honestly didnt want to. I was swallowed up in grief. I saw Dr S. again in her office, and we talked about what to expect with a pregnancy with Trisomy 13. She told me that she was willing to do whatever I needed her to, to make the best of the pregnancy. She also told me that fetal demise was common, meaning I would lose her before she even got here. We left that appointment feeling no better, but knowing we had an incredible person behind us that would do anything to help us, and on this journey, any help you can get is a blessing….

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